I just finished reading one of my very dear friends blogs on not knowing what you want to do and feeling incomplete in life, even when things are going exceptionally well. I totally get it. And as I was reading that and also feeling lost and confused, I began to wonder something. Are you supposed to feel this way in the year before you turn thirty? I have just turned 29 as most of you know and it seems like there is some societal countdown of "well you're almost 30, better do something incredibly significant with your life". It feels like you are supposed to be totally ashamed of yourself if haven't become rich, stable, married, had 2.5 children and moved into suburbia by the time you hit the big 3-0.
For those of you I haven't actually had a chance to share the good news with yet, my boyfriend Mike proposed to me 2 weeks ago. My answer, and he can verify this, was "okay, no rush right?". It took me 29 years to get engaged, who knows how long it'll take to get married. And if one more person says, so when's the big day, I may scream. Can't they just be happy that we have made a committment to each other to be together forever, and that we are in love? I'm thrilled to be in love. I'm thrilled to be engaged. I have no freakin' clue what I want to do with the rest of my life! WHAT'S THE RUSH!!!!!!
I also no longer work at the theatre. I'm not currently doing any shows or performing in any way. I hate it. I have wanted nothing more than to be in theatre for so long, not being part of any kind of theatre in any way is heartwrenching. And I can't think of anything that I want to do besides be in theatre. Suck, suck, suck.
But I am tired of apologizing for not being a Stepford wife and rushing into suburbian oblivion. So life isn't exactly the way I thought it would be. What does it matter? I actually want to do things with my life and enjoy myself. Why settle so early? Do you actually gain anything doing everything you're supposed to at all times? Yeah, boredom.
To my dear friend, I totally know how you feel. With obligation after obligation looming upon us in our society, it's so easy to fall into the trap of "I should be this, I should be that". It sucks. And why does it only come at 30? Twenty was much less filled with trepidation. 25 was less stressful. It's just thirty, I guess.