Friday, August 28, 2009

How can you get a Driver's License if you have a fear of signalling?

Dear Bad Drivers;

Let me just preface this by saying, I've made mistakes too.  I've used my cell phone whilst driving.  I've exceeded the speed limit once or twice.  I haven't always stopped at a crosswalk when I see a pedestrian waiting to cross.

I've been getting more and more worried though by the apparent allergy that people have developed to using their turn signals.  Is it like the allergy to peanuts that has developed so much over the last 20 years?  We've been driving too long and now we go into anaphylaxis whenever we touch the turn signal?

Maybe it's a time thing.  I know, I know.  It takes SOOOOO much time to extend the fingers on your left hand approximately 1 inch and reach that turn signal.  And then that EXTRA time it takes to push it to the up or down position.  What we're talking, A FIFTH OF A SECOND to do all that work.  And then there has to be shoulder checking too.  Man.  That's a good 2 seconds of applying the signal AND checking to make sure you aren't hitting another vehicle.  Time you could use to speed up and try to side swipe me while I'M driving! 

Also, those line marks they put down the middle of the road?  I know you think that they are a 'suggestion' of where you need to be.  Guess what.  They aren't.  If you had bothered to try the aforementioned shoulder checking, you would notice that I'M DRIVING BESIDE YOU!!!!!!

Since it's obviously hard for you to remember these things, here is my action plan to help you out.  You know how ambulances have the word AMBULANCE written backwards in big letters so you can read it in your rearview mirror.  Actually, you may not know what or where your rearview mirror is.  Nevertheless, it's time for me to be proactive.  I'm going to get some of those big, backward letters and write on my windshield, "Please use your signal lights, I cannot read minds".  Will that help you to remember.  Maybe on my rear window I will put, "Please use your signal lights, not everyone can read minds".  Just as a reminder to those bad drivers behind me who have forgotten how to do things. 

So, bad drivers, grab your Epipens and give those turn signals a go!  And when you see a green Ford Contour with big white lettering all over the windows, that's me.  And when you 'forget' to do these things.  I'll follow you to your destination and give you a lesson on the finer points of signalling.

All the best, hope your insurance skyrockets,


Saturday, August 22, 2009

Schaudenfraude Fun!

So, you ask, what has Trish been up to for the past 8 months? The answer: very little. But I have been surfing the internet. A lot. I don't work nearly as hard as many people in my office. I probably should, but I'm a known procrastinator and slacker.

I believe in schaudenfraude, that seeing something bad happen to someone else makes you feel better about your life. Not that my life is bad by any means, but I sure like to laugh at stupid people too.

Any of you cat lovers out there will know this site. This is the home of the LOLcat, LOLdogs, ROFLrazzi, Pundit Kitchen, the ever popular Fail Blog (another one that I love) and Engrish Funny. I would highly recommend that you check these out and have a good laugh at someone else's stupidity and really really cute kitty cats!

This lovely little site touts itself as 'News fails, because journalism isn't dying fast enough'. I feel that the failure we see in modern journalism is due in large part to the fact that our society is now full of functionally illiterate adults being churned out of Universities (as a friend commented who teaches at the college/university level, she teaches students in their 3rd year who cannot read).

A photo journal of the heart attacks we're all waiting to have. The concoction photos range from the very-tasty-man-I'd-try-that to the Oh-My-God-what-kind-of-dare-do-you-have-to-lose-to-eat-that. Many battered deep fried treats, covered in either meat or cheese, which also happen to be 2 of my favourite foods.

The tag line here is 'FREE is a four letter word'. If like to laugh at witty commentary on what people post on Craigslist, this is THE site for you. Come for the items, stay for the dialogue.

Crazy = funny. Enough said. A particular favourite, the Thanksgiving list.

These sites make a great conversation piece, or give you something that is reasonably safe to read at work. Really, I believe in schaudenfraude, and these sites make it easier to feel good about your life.