So, yesterday I had to do the thing that I think may be the most degrading thing that any woman has to face. Ladies, you all know what I'm talking about, and you've all had to do it. Yup, I'm talking about swimsuit shopping.
Tis the season when a young ladies thoughts turn to needing a new swimsuit because her current one is starting to stretch out. My current suit has served me very well, I've had it for...gee, I guess about 8 years or so. I bought it when I worked at Addition Elle in Red Deer. Some of you out there remember that period.
I started in the most obvious of places, Sears. Sears is always good for that kind of thing. I found the suits, found the rack with the fat kid suits, then pawed through until I found some not hideous ones in my size...or rather, what I thought my size was, but apparently not in swimsuit sizes. I think my problem is that I have a long torso, but I'm not really busty. Of course clothing manufacturers assume that fat kids are all short with big boobs. Sorry. I don't fit that mold.
So I find the fitting rooms in Sears and I head in, and it smelled like BO and a lot of Cinnamon scent to cover it up. On top of putting myself into the swimsuits (which really didn't work out for me) I had to smell this terrible smell that was making me nauseous. Or rather, not helping the nauseous feeling I had from trying on the suits.
After my harrowing experience, I head over to Addition Elle (I was at Kingsway mall, where true Edmontonians shop. West Ed is located in a little part of town that I like to call 'West Angria', mostly because I develop incredible rage when I drive to the west end. Then I have to try and park at the mall, which increases the anger. Then I have to go IN the mall, where the stupid people are...) and plunge headfirst into the swimwear area.
Part of my problem is that I really don't want a fancy, froofie bathing suit. I don't like crissy crossy, tummy tucking, boob lifting beaded things. I want a plain suit that I can do laps in. That's what I'm going for. I also don't believe that fat kids should wear 2 pieces or 'tankinis' as they are called. No no. Nobody needs to see that. Nobody. It's bad enough they have to see me in a one piece.
I think I'm gonna check online suits now. Maybe I can be spared some of the humiliation of doing this in public. Check y'all later, don't let the bathing suits getcha down!